Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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