Quick, to the slutcave!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
