so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
