My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
