Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it glows. i had to have it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
