My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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