It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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