Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm too high and old for this...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
