HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
