Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
