If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We had sex on a dog bed..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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