She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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