That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
