Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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