Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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