How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
