just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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