I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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