Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
