I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
