plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
3 2 1 whiskey
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
