I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
