Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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