ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
