She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
