his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
