my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
