On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
