Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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