operation harelip BJ is a go
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
