how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
