why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
