The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
