so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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