just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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