It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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