Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
