Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize