Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
