A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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