: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
