Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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