Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
