i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
