so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
