that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
