brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
