My first STD was from a foam party
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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