UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
