I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
