I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
