my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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