I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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