Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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