you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
